F.O.B. #12: The Unbreakable Vows

First, Brooke's back in blogging land and I know we're all looking forward to reading how their trip to the hospital went and how Eli's now doing. I'm in such a rushed and lazy mood (hence today's late post) I'm not going to link her (I'm on a Mac, it's tricky), but just direct you to check out my sidebar under "White Willow Market" for her latest update.

And now...

It's holiday time again, and with only twelve days (how, How, HOW is that possible?) to go, I think we'll stick to holiday-ish topics from here on out. Inspiration for this F.O.B. struck when I found myself hanging around Target, in line, with a basket full of raffia ribbon and frosted silver ornaments. On that feeling and in honor of the upcoming New Year, I ask you for twelve "I Will Not" vows you make every holiday season, those promises made to yourself that seem destined to be broken. C'mon, we all have them. My twelve look a little something like:

12. I will not put head gear/bows/bells/or costumes of any kind on the dogs. A pair of half-eaten soft antlers are the only remnants of a lesson well learned.

11. I will not end up with bits of glitter all over my face the whole holiday season. Why do they bedazzle ornaments that way?

10. I will not spend a small fortune at Target on items I would never buy any other time of the year, like red and white striped tissue paper or cranberry scented hand soap.

9. I will not burst into "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." I will NOT, no matter how tempting the line "As for me and Grandpa, we believe."

8. I will not eat my weight's worth in pie.

7. I will not second-guess every Christmas gift I give.

6. I will not, when some merry bell-ringer wishes me a happy holiday as I make my fifth trip through Best Buy, find myself thinking "Oh, why don't just go blankety-blank yourself" two days before Christmas.

4. I will not, when The Hubba looks away from his football game/basketball game/random martial arts film on HBO to my frantically knitting hands and says "I'd help if I could," want to staple things to his head,

3. I will not find myself frantically knitting, with only twelve days to go, and approximately fourteen hundred gifts left to make. (This is a first, by the way.)

2. I will not fight for parking spaces like they're made of solid gold and I'm Midas in need of a fix.

1. I will not end up in floods every time I hear "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Something about the line "Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow" brings on the sobs, people. SOBS.

So we're clear, I've already done nearly all of these things, except, perhaps #12 and #8. All I can say to that, in my best Nick Nolte rumbling growl, is: Give it time, Lowenstein, GIVE IT TIME.