A Bit of Nostalgia

...7...

I have a surprising revelation, one that might shock you: Life can change dramatically in a year. I know, it's startling. Allow me to walk you through this discovery I made today.

Knowing there's a baby coming (has anyone mentioned that? August 2nd, my friends, the general due date), I've been thinking a lot about... reading. Because this is who I am. Basically, there might be a wee bit of downtime between nursing and sleeping (the two things I'm informed I'll do pretty much round the clock) and it would be nice to have some good book to sink into when not otherwise occupied. I'm just weird about this, but I like to have a book handy. I know other experienced moms might laugh and say "Reading, right, that's going to happen." They could be right, but better prepared than staring at a wall with nothing to do. For me, hell is a waiting room with no reading material.

So this book. It has a few requirements. It needs to be interesting, yes, enough to hold my attention, but it also needs to be dull enough I can put it down again without bother, without irritation, not thinking "oh, just two more pages, hold your horses, Just Born Little One." Not really the feelings I want to cultivate towards our first child (or any other child for that matter). The solution being it needs to be something I've read, but still care about.

I think anyone who remembers this blog from last year (and how could you not?) might remember this same month, almost to the day, a little something called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows arrived in bookstores around the world. Because of this, I remember exactly what I was doing: moving into a new house.

Funny association, I know. But we had just bought this gorgeous home (though I say it myself) in Greensboro and literally the same day that Harry Potter came out, we were moving ourselves in. This was a baaaad day. How could it not be? It was the two of us doing the moving (meaning, The Hubba and about twenty-five percent of another person) and not only that, I insisted we stay up past midnight, to go buy HPATDH so I would have the book first thing in the morning. The Hubba, because he is wonderful and I had bought him a new Playstation game the day before, acquiesced.

But the next day, Saturday, that was a great day. I remember, we got up and unpacked enough to be able to eat food off plates and a few other small necessities and then we both agreed, that's it, we're done, time to relax. We filled the fridge with easy to make snacks and sandwiches and a variety pack of Magic Hat Beer and we hunkered down. He settled himself in front of his game and I settled myself in front of an enormous hardback and that is how we spent the weekend.

I thought about that this morning as I dug the Deathly Hallows out and cracked it open for maybe the fifth or sixth time. Because here we are, almost one year later to the day, and life is a bit different now. We live in an entirely new house. That new house happens to be in an entirely different state. Biggest of all, we're about to have a whole third person living here with us and this could happen today or three weeks from now.

My life is amazing. That's not a brag or boast of any kind. It's completely personal. For what suits and pleases me, my life is amazing. Oh sure, tweaking can always happen, things can always get better. And situations will come up, as they have even this month, that throw you off kilter, force you to make the decision I can be worried or I can be happy- what do I choose? (For me it's about a sixty-forty split leaning towards happy. I'm working on upping that number.) But as life stands right now, I am one of those people who will honestly say, I have got a swell deal. I love my husband, I love my house, I love my dogs, I'm about to have a baby, and I'm pretty darned fond of me too.

So it's interesting to me to look back at only a year ago- a year!- and realize how much has changed. And yet, how little. Because, except for the Magic Hat and the boxes needing to be unpacked, I imagine we'll spend this weekend almost exactly the same way, hunkered down, him with his newest game and me with my HPATDH and it will be two very well spent days. I wish I had some marvelous conclusion to draw from this, to pull it all together, a bit like Daniel Stern, as older and wiser voice-over Kevin, always did on The Wonder Years, but I don't.

I'm just really, really happy and mighty, mighty grateful.

And only a little bit sad over the lack of Magic Hat.

Notice Any Changes?

I fully intended to at least mention this before making the official change over in the sidebar there. For particularly astute readers (like Barbara- hi Barbara! Really hope you're well!), you might have seen my location has changed from dear old Greensboro, NC back home to Knoxberg, Tennis Shoe, as Mom would call it when I was little.
Yup. Besides being pregnant these last many months, I've also been moving. Not actually moving the entire time. The month of March I stayed put in North Carolina, packing, and The Hubba lived with the family in Knoxville, as his company is ridiculously speedy about transfers, and on weekends we went back and forth, him coming to pack the NC house, me coming to TN to look for a house here... Exactly as much fun as it sounds.
Actually, that's not true. Maybe not the course I would recommend, but that's us. We get pregnant, look at each other and ask the question: So where do you REALLY want to live?
The odd thing is, even as I write that, I laugh and think, that's right, that's us. Maybe it should bother me, but (most of the time) it doesn't. Sure, there's some discomfort along the ride, but I must say, the payoff continues to amaze me. To make a decision based on what you want and follow it through- even where there are so many who insist, the timing's terrible, where's your planning, why have a baby now, why make this move now, ARE you the most irresponsible person ever- to feel the rightness of your desire in your belly, to see it in the eyes of the person you love and to know, this is the absolutely the Next Step and to do it, that's empowering. Not always smooth, not always easy, a bit bumpy, but empowering.
OK, more than a bit bumpy. I have had my afternoon sobs, repeating the very questions people- no doubt in an effort to be helpful- dear to us have severely asked. I have had days where I thought- well, that's it, I'm done, I'm turning in my card to the human race. I'm just going to sit here, in this bed, at two in the afternoon, reading Shopaholic and Baby for the twelfth thousand time and I'm not getting up until all of this is DONE and DECIDED and YOU can't make me change my mind. Most days like that, I do well to keep others out of it. Sometimes Mum Knitter or The Hubba got dragged into it. Still, in the length of a week, or a month, or a lifetime, those days were far fewer than the good ones- the days of excitement, expectation, joy.
And now we're here. Oh, we're far and away from settled. At the moment, a whole new family is settling into our old house, we and two dogs are at Mum Knitter's, along with all our worldly goods (all packed ramshackle into her garage) and Wally and Barkley are hanging at the kennel until the right house comes down the road to us. I'd love it to be tomorrow, or better yet, today, but in the meantime, there's having a cozy bed to sleep in, having at least two dogs to cuddle, waking up with The Hubba every morning, having this healthy baby romping around in my tummy, afternoons trawling Knoxville with Mum Knitter, lunches with Pops Knitter, baby blankets to knit, birthing classes, walks to take, old friends to get back in touch, old friends to stay in touch with...
I hope all you lovely people in Internetland are well. I hope to stay in better (i.e. more consistent) contact. There's so much to be excited about it!
Sending lots of Knoxville with the power of North Carolina best wishes to you all.


And if you happen to hear of a 3 bed, 2 bath home with a fenced yard and maybe the perfect place for a baby, do let me know...